"Lucky Seven Time Right Back!" sang Canvey
Island 's son Lew Lewis. No idea what he was
going on about, but just possibly it was a
spooky prediction for the runaway success of
this white knuckle rollercoaster of an auction,
now in its 'Lucky Seventh' listing.
For those who don't know, 'FCB 1.5' is a
stunning creation based on Lady Penelope's
Thunderbirds Rolls Royce, and Canvey Island's
famous Concrete Barge. It is lovingly crafted
from high quality materials: a rare Dinky WW2
Amphibious Dukw 'Duck', a bit of Das modelling
clay, pink paint, plastic Hotwheels windows,
cooking-foil, matchsticks, Tippex. It has been
produced in a Limited Edition of exactly ONE.
You can't get more unique than that.
The original concept first appeared in the
celebrated 'Thunderbarge' digital art eBay
auctions, and if you compare the vehicle to the
artwork you can't fail to conclude that this is
a precision replica of the utmost craftsmanship
and fidelity. Also shown are some other
Thunderbarge digital art auctions which you
missed out on, but can view at
www.concretebarge.co.uk - 'The World's Favourite
Concrete Barge Website' TM.
Once again it has been reduced by 5p. Who
will blink first? Wait another week, or miss out
on the trophy-investment of a lifetime. It is
possible this item could re-sell for upto
£8million. Always consult your financial
advisor. Your comments and questions are always
welcome and will be added to the item
description. Here's a selection of the bouquets
FCB 1.5 has received from a discerning public:
Q: What the hell is
this meant to be!!,looks like a blind retarded
kindergarten kid made it with no arms!!!!,its a
real hunk of shite!!,i,ve seen it all now!!,you
must be a comedian!!its the crappiest,ugliest
thing i have ever seen on ebay and it should be
thrown straight in the rubbish bin!!looks like a
pile of icecream on a rooted dinky duk!!,what a
A: Thank you for your encouraging
comments. I heartily agree, this is a
cutting-edge work of contemporary art and an
ideal gift for that special person. Happy
Q: what a load of
rubbish..do u really think us islanders would
like this heap of junk? i don't think
A: I'm an islander and I think it's
magnificent. Your criticism is somewhat
invalidated by your own auction item no.
?Q: at least i sold
my pink item,maybe my buyer would like to buy
yours....but i guess its to expensive to
A: My pink item item is being reduced
by 5p every week and will be the same price as
yours late 2007. I think a discerning bidder
will have stepped forward by then.
?Q: Nice to see
they let the 'special' folk have an internet
connection and your auction seems to have
attracted them. Are you also selling the "pile
of icecream on a rooted dinky duk" and if so
whats the combined postage?
A: This item is now relisted and has
already attracted the differently gifted.
Q: I think you'll
be waiting a long time mate!!..but good
? A: It's OK, Van Gogh
never sold a painting in his life. But he didn't
have eBay and all I need is one discerning art
?Q: mhist all
crukin fighty,youve about as much chance of
selling that as i have of finding a cyclops with
a glass eye,good luck,ron
A: Wrong Ron! It will sell because I'm
reducing it by 5p every week, making it FREE
sometime in 2008. Thereafter I shall pay bidders
to take it away.
?Q: hi does this
come with shit roll and has it got a box or is
it a cardboard tube ps will it fit round the s
A: This should not go in the toilet.
Please wait for Thunderbarge 4.5.
much to air post this little critter to new
zealand with full insurance because god forbid
if anything happened to it on the way over like
falling out the air craft or squashed by a
bigmack or even customs getting hold of it!i
just wouldn't want to risk it!,it will look real
nice beside my "flab 1" and suck
A: The postage charge includes
insurance at the bid amount. I am unable to
insure for its true worth, which is about
?Q: is there any
mention of rob benfield on the
? A: No, but you can have
any name inscribed with your favourite obscenity
for no extra cost.
?Q: Are you
seriously spending valuable time creating pink
shite like this when you could be sittiing in a
pub talking to really cool people with plenty of
smart conversation and left field sparkle?
A: Thank you for your question. Yes, I
would be happy to autograph it for you or
enscribe a dedication if bought as a gift. If
you are lucky enough to win this auction I can
deliver it in exchange for a foaming pint of
Q: Hi, I want to
thank you for making me piss my self, this is
some funny shit. Never gonna sell though. Also,
I left you some positive feedback on 12/09/04 -
please don't forget to leave me some.
A: Never gonna sell? Never say never.
Damn I've said it three times
?Q: I like it, I'm
not buying but, I like it.
A: Thanks, but I fear that you will
live your life with bitter regrets, drinking
cider on a park bench and waving your fist at
passers by. Best just to buy the item : ) ?Q: Have you got a yellow
one?.. it just might look better in yellow, then
again maybe not.. have you got it in red?.. it
might look better in red... possibly not..have
you... oh forget it, it'll look shite in any
colour.. and i don't want it.. unless.. have
A: It was originally metalic pink, and
that REALLY looked shite. A respray would cost
£5 extra - but frankly it would probably spoil
?Q: do u really
think people from canvey need this shite,if u
love it so much you keep it..we islanders
A: You're right, it is an ideal gift
for anyone who loves Canvey, but should also
appeal to concrete barge fans all over the
world. Happy bidding.
Q: Is it true that
the new Politically correct female 007 Bond film
may feature this aqua / road & possibly
flying vehicle or should I be wary of what I
read on the internet?
A: I am instructed not to discuss any
mult-million dollar deals involving FCB 1.5. The
intellectual propety rights belong to webmaster
of www.concretebarge.co.uk, but the Thunderbarge
brand is one of my products so we both stand to
make serious money. Obviously the ownership of
this ORIGINAL vehicle would bring the buyer
untold riches too. £800,000 has been estimated
by some authorities.
Q: is it possiably
to take out on a road test?
A: Unfortunately there's an insurance
problem with a test drive (or more correctly
'test push' - it's a Dinky toy for Pete's sake).
Like the Mona Lisa, it is so unique and
priceless that no one will insure it. I can't
run the risk of you're being involved in an
international art theft conspiracy, determined
to add this little gem to Munch's 'The Scream'
and Van Gogh's 'Sea View at Scheveningen'. Rest
assured this FCB is roadworthy and the only
defect is that one of the hubcaps keeps falling
Q: You'll never sell
that - what IS it made of? Plastercine? its been
up for sale for weeks
A: It is a metal Dinky vehicle, with
some Das modelling clay, repainted with metallic
pink paint, then resprayed with normal pink as
the metallic one looked shite . The windows are
from a Hotwheels car and the hubcaps and
radiator grill are made from cooking foil, Marks
& Spencers I beleive. The FCB 1.5 number
plates were designed with Microsoft paintbox and
printed on genuine paper. The wooden slats are
hand-cut Swan Vesta matchsticks, made from
environmentally sustainable Swedish timber and
painted with Windsor and Newton purple water
colour paint. The authentic offensive graffitti
was painstakingly researched from the archives
of www.concretebarge.co.uk (do visit the site -
it's the best concrete barge website ever) and
is executed in Tippex. The simulated slat nails
were drawn with a WH Smith 2H pencil. I stake my
reputation on this definitely selling,
Q: Nice new picture
- Perhaps take it with you on trips for photos
in zany locations over the next few years
listings? - Unless somebody snaps it up for a
Christams present for Chav Junior.
A: I would get a photo of it speeding
past the Maurice Road siren but am worried the
hubcabs will fall off. I envisage this being
bought by one of the Saatchi brothers rather
than a common chav.
Q: Its lookin better
everytime I see it... gee my glasses want
changing... sure you aint got it in
A: Wouldn't blue look faintly
ridiculous (as opposed to how it looks now)?
Respray would be + £5, which is cost of paint
aerosol. That's why it started at £10, because I
wasted £5 on a really shite metallic pink, then
spent another £5 on the resplendent hue we see
today. (Note to self: remember to list partly
used paint sprays on eBay).
Earlier this year www.concretebarge.co.uk
cashed in on the release of the Thunderbirds
movie by launching a series of hilarious
'Thunderbarge' digital art auctions, featuring
the legendary Concrete Barge of Canvey Island.
The auctions - which were about as successful as
the film - can be viewed at:
Now for the first time ever, www.concretebarge.co.uk is
offering for sale the totally gorgeous "FCB
1.5": a six-wheeled pink ferro concrete barge
(FCB) based on Lady Penelope's Rolls Royce.
Customised rare Dinky DUKW appx 5 inches.
Genuine silver foil hubcaps (one has
recently fallen off but will be superglued back
on for the lucky buyer).
Front and rear FCB 1.5 numberplates.
Realistic silver-foil Rolls Royce radiator
Hand painted authentic Concrete Barge
grafitti, including 'Chris Hunt' and 'My name is
Skip. You C*nt'.
You are bidding on a work of art, an heirloom
and a very wise investment. Bear in mind the
original Thunderbirds car recently sold in the
region of £800,000, and was nowhere near as
gorgeous as this exquisetly crafted vehicle.
Payment by Paypal or UK cheque. Postage £1.50
to UK, £3.00 to Europe, £5.00 USA / Worldwide.
That website again: